Selective memory warning: You could be a jerk!

"You were jerk", she said. Slightly less direct than that, perhaps. But regardless of the phrasing, she was probably right. Only I don't remember it that way. My selective memory chose only to keep a general notion of what she was referring to. Filtered to match my self-image of not being a jerk.

See, last year, while in the progress of settling for study partners on our first formal computer science report, I had tried to jiggle my way out of a request to join her group. And trying to be polite by offering an excuse, I'd made matters worse. A lot worse.

I took the road of the snob, saying basically, "I'm on an entirely different level than you in this course. So I don't think we should be in the same group. You probably wouldn't learn much [and I'd be bugged down]." Oy.

At least that's what she later told me. When we talked about the ordeal a few months later. She had been royally pissed—with good reason. But not only had I chosen to leave out any recollection of my harsh treatment towards her, I'd also been blissfully ignorant of the subsequently hostility she said she had been sending.

The self-image is strong and works a multi-leveled charade of fooling your conscious thinking. Beware.